I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
