Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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