dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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