oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think your dad took our porno
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
