i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
