The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
