I must be too annoying 4 u.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize