I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you win again, gameday.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
