hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You left your phone here
Wait...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
