I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
