I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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