At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
