once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
