Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a beard to bite.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
