That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
