It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
