Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
