I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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