So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
