Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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