That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
