we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
