i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
