moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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