4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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