i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
