What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize