haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
false alarm, still single
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
