I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
