dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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