I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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