We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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