Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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