I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
