And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
