if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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