just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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