were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
