i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
