For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
