Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
