I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
