who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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