Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
