you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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