Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
