do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
