How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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