why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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