He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
