sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
