Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
