Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
