We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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