Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I look excited, but its just a facade.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
