Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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