Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
