Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize