If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Every concussion has its silver lining
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
