i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
