they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
