and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize