Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
