I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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