my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
