Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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