We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
