i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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