Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
