Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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