the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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