Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
