Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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