my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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